All around relationships

One aim of my journey is to try out different things I have never done before in my life to get more open minded and get also new inspirations and ideas.
Actually the most of the ideas and inspirations I receive from the people I meet on my journey. For example if I hadn't met Tamara, then I hadn't probably never attend the African drum circle in Kinsale... I finally made it before I left Kinsale again for a while.
Pot luck dinner in Kinsale for saying 'Goodbye' to the housekeepers Yin and Libby.
I added my good old German potato salad based on my Grandma's recipe .
Moreover the advice of the people I met leaded me to the Buddhism center Dzogchen Bearra in Ireland where I attended a meditation course 'Healing Relationships' on the weekend. That was a really great and also deep experience which I describe later in that postThis experience brought me back to my main aim for my journey: to experience myself.
By the way: I skyped with my friend Martina from Gort who already inspired me when I first met her. I told her about my plans to go in the direction to help people by giving motivation seminars etc. She recommended me to read some ofLouise Hay's books and to attend a workshop in Ireland based on her conception. And I already started with reading one of her books which is really great and opened my mind as well. 

All this examples show me how important relationships are in every sense and also being connected to each other through empathy and kindness...
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Kinsale collection and connection

Like I mentioned after leaving the farm I had decided to stay in Kinsale for a while where I spent some time with Dominic and went for a road trip with the new housekeepers and I started looking for a new host without stressing me out.

Actually I found my new host through my friend Tamara. I asked her about her former host's name in Garretstown where Tamara helped her with her children.

I wrote to her former host if she needs my help. She wrote me back that she already had someone but a friend of her was looking for help. Great! I called her friend Tara. Tara offered me to come to her place in April. So great and kind.

Discover the nature
In between I went for long walks to James Fort and Charles Fort. Even it was always the same way every time was different and I discovered something new.

One day I found the following fellow by coincidence who was nibbling some leaves. I'm still not sure what it was. My new host suggested me to put the pic on Facebook and ask the Irish Wildlife Trust because she wants to know it as well. I have sent them the pic and they told me it's a bank vole.
That's the cute little fellow.
African drum circle
Since I arrived in Kinsale I wanted to try the African drum circle. Tamara told me about this. Unfortunately it was held every Friday but that was the only day off of my former boss in the hostel.

But when I came back to Kinsale to the hostel as guest I decided to attend it and took Yin with me.
So excited! Me before the drum circle started.
When Yin and I came into the room where the drum circle was held there was a nice atmosphere. There were chairs and in front of every chair was a African drum. We sat on the chairs and waited. I was very excited and hoped that I'll be able to follow the instructions... In the middle of the circle were some incense sticks which filled the room with a nice smell.

The drum circle was held by a guy from Zimbabwe: Jonathan. He was happy to see new faces and introduced me and Yin to the other participants. Very kind and alternative people from every age. I felt very comfortable there.

When we started playing the drums it was very cool. Jonathan explained to us what to do and everyone followed afterwards. But it wasn't that easy... When someone started to play a different rhythm I was totally out of my play. Also I became aware that it actually hurts on my hands to drum...

The drum circle lasted two hours and I couldn't put my rings on anymore. My fingers were very swollen. But I felt very happy and I had a lot of fun.

Pot luck dinner and cards against humanity
Usually I wanted to leave Kinsale a bit earlier before I traveled to the Buddhism center due to I wanted to flee.. But I have to admit it was a knee-jerk reaction and I was glad that I was for once not  that consequent like I'm usual.

What exactly happened? Well, I found it out later during my meditation weekend. And there I found out how to heal it.

Actually I stayed two days longer in Kinsale before I traveled to Cork, hence I could say 'goodbye' to Yin and Libby. They both had the nice idea to celebrate a so-called pot luck dinner. That means everyone has to bring a dish. I created my famous potato salad which I made every year for my birthday party.

By the way the new housekeeper Caralee was also arrived at that day. A girl from America California with amazing green eyes and great deep voice. She brought a card game with her: 'Cards Against Humanity'. A really funny one.

Some of the English terms were new for me and Yin. But when Yin asked what 'Fisting' means - because she thought it was another term for 'Boxing' - I was glad for the invention of Google... :-).
Cards Against Humanity and Dominic's dish. 
Have I already mentioned that I'm very lucky that men are cooking for me since I'm here :-)?
Well, here we are.
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What you think and say is what you get

When I took the bus to Cork I used the time to read my book from Louise Hay.

For me one of her main message is: That what you think and say is what you get and experience. Therefore think and say nice and good things about you. On my ride to Cork I read the chapter about relationships and in this case friendship.

Her message or rather exercise was simple in this chapter:
Think about a person with who you have difficulties, compare it with yourself and what you find in yourself, than change your pattern to attract people who are good for you.

Ok... I did that exercise in the bus.

Actually it seemed to work out. I experienced the first results by meeting lovely Dana from Stuttgart in Germany in my hostel room... She reminded me a bit of a pin-up girl from the 50ies. A girl with blonde hair, big blue eyes and full red lips.

I offered her to show her around in Cork due to it was her first day there and I liked her immediately. By the way my task was to find someone who could repair my shoe due to the sole was broken on my road trip...

Tour through Cork
I showed her at first the English Market where we could try some great sausages.
Jap, Insa is right... I find always something for free... :-)
After the English Market I told Dana about the nice shop with the vintage dresses. I was so happy to share this discovery with someone. Dana was amazed as well about the shop and she bought a dress and a petticoat. Actually I just tried a really nice dress but I didn't buy it due to its price and also due to my plans to travel.

Therefore I couldn't buy the dress I took the following picture. I was very fascinated about my very female side and I felt very comfortable in that outfit.
Jap, I like this outfit.
Games between men and women
Dana and I had really a lot of fun together in the shop and of course by talking about men and women. Which means there are a lot of stupid games and unwritten rules which are not really helpful but a lot of people stick with them.

Dana's description when women and men starting to date each other:
"The one who says first something nice like 'I like you very much' or 'I love you' is the idiot when the other one not really responses. The other one has the might. Also the one who send the last message is the idiot and has to wait for an answer. Sometimes for a couple of days or hours. And when the other one answered than you have to wait also some hours or days before you reply otherwise you are again the idiot who answered too quickly..." ;-)

We couldn't stop laughing due to we experienced a situation like that often enough and even we know how stupid it is. But it is often exactly like this... In some way really a pity.

I thought: "How suitable that I'll attend in a few days the meditation course about 'Healing Relationships'... Maybe it'll help me out of this game...".

And I got what I thought and said...
On the whole me and Dana had a lot of fun together. Our pub experience was also very funny: "The evening where nobody wanted us to leave..." like Dana said :-).
Great view - on our way to the pubs in Cork
Believe me or not I'm sure my exercise during my bus ride to Cork from Louise Hay's book opened myself to meet her.

For example Dana told me she maybe would like to go in the coaching direction and I told her about my Trainer education and gave her some tips about it.

There are some other examples but that would be too much. :-)
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Healing relationships

I left Cork very early in the morning due to the buses drove just twice a day to Castletown Berre where the Buddhism center Dozgchen Bearra is based. I also was in contact with the coordinator for the volunteers there. I asked her if it's possible to have a chat during my stay and she agreed.

Challenging arrival
When I arrive in Castletown Berre I had to take a taxi to Dzogchen Bearra. It wasn't that easy to order a taxi by phone due to the heavy Irish accent and obviously all taxis were not available for the next two hours.

Hmmm... Actually I was very disappointed.

It was not a big drama I know, but I felt for some reason unwelcome or rather due to Louise Hay's conception I filled my mind with negative thoughts which opened me just for negative things. When I became aware of this I tried to change my thoughts and thought: "I can't change it... I have to wait. I'm still on time. All is great and I'll receive nice experiences on this weekend."

What happened next? I went with all my luggage into the supermarket to buy a take away coffee. The sales assistant asked me where I come from and offered me to call the taxi in case it wouldn't appear. Then an elderly couple came to me and explained to me where a good place for hitchhiking was to come to Dzogchen Bearra.

There we are... Again a proof that you get what you think and say... :-)

In the end the taxi appears and I arrived in Dzogchen Bearra.

Closed mind
Well, I have to admit that my expectations about Dzogchen Bearra were very high due to everyone told me it is such a nice place, one of the beautiful places in the world etc.

But the first thing what came to my mind was: "Shit... Without a car I can't go anywhere... I'm in a prison.". In addition the electricity didn't work due to some problems. I found it out during my try to take a shower... Moreover it was raining and misty...

With this thought I walked around the place and couldn't understand why this should be one of the nicest places in the world...

The other people in the hostel where I stayed told me: "That is such a nice place, isn't it?!". Of course I couldn't enjoy there due to I had just bad thoughts...

What really nice was that I met in the hostel a really nice woman: Sinead. She offered me a lift back to Cork. She also gave me later her contact dates and told me I could call her every time or if I need a place to stay. Well, that's really lovely and I was really touched.
The sight in Dzogchen Bearra is covered by mist - like my mind at that time.
My panic moment
Well, I have never tried meditation before and actually I had no clue at all what expected me on the weekend. Honestly, I chose the course because I wanted to try meditation and the date suited very well for me. Later I became aware how great the topic 'Healing Relationships' was for me and for my journey.

In the evening the instructors gave us an overview about the weekend and what we'll do.

When they said we'll talk in groups about difficult relationships etc. I actually got panic... Talking with totally strangers about my problems?! Oh dear... My stomach closed very tight and I felt very uncomfortable.

Later in the hostel I talked to the other participants. It turned out that the most of them were Irish and they attended a few of this retreats.

For me it seemed that the Irish people are very open for experiences like that.

Let's beat around the bush
On my arrival and on the first day of the workshop the weather was still very misty and the great view from the Shrine Room where the workshop took place was limited due to the mist.

But everyone told me that the view would be amazing... To be honest I was still very closed and actually just thought that the place is very far away from the civilization...

The workshop was a great experience. It was very difficult for me to open myself and talk about my difficulties. Honestly, I talked about some easy things instead of the real issues... I beat around the bush. But the meditation between the group work helped me to become aware of my real issues...

I was impressed that the Irish people had no problems to open themselves and talked about their issues.

Some of them started to cry during telling their story. I couldn't... I still avoid it and suppressed it by talking about 'easy' things...

By the way: there was a very though woman and I really thought that I don't want to cry in front of her. She later told me that when she started to talk about her issues she couldn't stop crying... Wow!

Actually I was very impressed about her openness and I had the feeling that I missed my chance to speak about my real issues.

Doesn't matter how far you are away - your unfinished business will follow you
But during the night my suppressed and unfinished business break out...

It hit me like a hammer and I couldn't stop crying. Alone in my bed but finally.

And actually not really alone because I saw during the day a lot of people suffering from unfinished business and difficulties in relationships. Actually everyone has things like that. That was also the message we got in the workshop. That is all around connection and empathy!

Clearing my mind and sight
On the next and last day the sun came out and the mist was blown away. Also my mind was cleared.

Therefore I could see what all the people mean by that Dzogchen Bearra is one of the beautiful places of the world... I took the following pictures before I left.
Literally my mind is cleared and my sight as well
What a great view
The meditation garden
Drama triangle
Actually the so-called drama triangle - which I already knew from my education as Trainer - and the afterwards meditation helped me to understand my pattern and my unfinished business.

In this triangle my role in relationships is the rescuer. I found out on this weekend that I learnt when I was young that I felt loved when I care for others. Therefore I was often in the role of the rescuer to help others to feel loved. But that isn't possible to find the love I really need in others. 

Maybe others have learnt to feel just loved in the role of the victim. They maybe mess up things or they are often ill due to they learnt that they get love then. Anyway...

I would never blame anyone for my learnt pattern because I'm responsible for that and I'm the only one who can change it. I'm very glad that I attended this workshop. 

What I do with this awareness is of course up to me now...

Love yourself and then you can give love to others
Similar like the conception of Louise Hay the Buddhism says that all begins with loving yourself. Than you're able to give love to others.

Therefore my awareness about my role doesn't mean that I stop now helping others. But it means that I can find love only in myself and not by helping others. It might be even more helpful for others if I give real love without any expectations...

On this weekend I learnt the following which makes sense for me:
The romantic french image of a perfect couple - he gives all love what she needs and she all what he needs that's all - is unfortunately... utopia.

We will never find the perfect love in others and expecting that they'll give it to us. We can just find the perfect love in ourselves because we know best what our needs are.

The instructors told us about the first visit of the Dalai Lama in the Western world. For him it was a big surprise that people blamed themselves very hard and didn't love themselves...

Well, we can be very hard to ourselves. If we talked to a suffering friend like that, probably we were very lonely... 
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Willing to change

All my experiences from my journey so far brought me some big steps further to myself.

Traveling is for my very helpful due to I have no other chance as facing my fears and deal with them and melt them away. That is exactly what I want to experience.

However, due to the meditation workshop I became aware of my unfinished business and that it's high time to face it and change some pattern... It showed me that it doesn't matter how far away I'm unfinished business will pop up again and I'll act in the same unhealthy way again and again, unless I change something.

I have to admit that I thought during the meditation workshop that I can't anymore and wanted to give up. I said to myself: "Ah come on... It's fine... I let the things like they are... But please stop it...".

But that shows me even more that it's high time for me to change and also reminds me why I'm on my journey.

I also decided to integrate meditation into my day. Honestly I did it really every day since I attended the workshop.

Still in the beginning
A journey which is still in the beginning even it feels for me like I moved abroad 6 month ago instead of actually 2 month... 

Unbelievable but I'm only 2 months away from Germany... But without any daily business the time runs very slowly, apart from my Burman pub experience with Dominic where I experienced the famous relativity effect.

And now it's time for my next host Tara and I'm looking forward to be in a family :-).

Jap, all around relationships...
Feeling connected by sharing scones and cakes :-)

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Comments: 1
  • #1

    f (Monday, 10 November 2014 00:18)

    Anonymous 23 May 2014 14:42
    Dear Jeanine reading your blog is like an eye opener to my soul..........with lots of love doms