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The last weeks it felt similar like I left Germany in January 2014. Even if back than it was a much bigger step but the feeling was almost the same. A feeling of fear and seeing a wall... What would I do after my tour... What if...?

Actually I could slowly freed myself from those thoughts and beliefs. It helped me especially when an old friend from Münster came to Barcelona and we talked openly about everything. He is a very clear and just great person. It opened my eyes and let me calm down. So the last days before I left Barcelona my feelings changed as my thoughts changed. I felt ready and it felt right!

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When I arrived at the airport in Cancun and got my stuff I was really happy! After passing the immigration area, I bought like usual a ticket for the bus and walked to the bus station. My plan was to go for sure for a swim in the warm and salty water. I imagined myself already swimming around and being happy like a little girl.

In Barcelona I almost never went into the sea due to it is just too cold for me (yes, I am quite a “pussy”...).

So I was waiting for my bus when I check my bus ticket to go to Cancun City. Well... it did not say Cancun City but Playa del Carmen. Now I understood why I received less change back... My day dream about swimming in the sea just disappeared.

So I went back to the entrance of the airport and I knew it was forbidden to go back to it. The security told me friendly I could not go there. So I put myself into the panic tourist mood even if I knew everything was not that bad. It was like watching myself from outside like watching an actor.. I explained that the lady behind the desk did a mistake and I need to change my ticket. So the security guy smiled and went with me to the lady. She was quite pissed off due to I set her quite under pressure to change the ticket. And I could watch the situation from outside and thought at the same time “ok... it will work out for sure but is it really necessary?”. So like a little girl I got what I wanted by spreading panic for nothing serious. 

I went back to the bus station with the right ticket and during waiting for the bus I had to laugh about myself and at the same time I was quite ashamed as well...

I had the urgent need to fix this situation. What I did was that I took one of the butterflies (I always gave them to my hikers after a hike as little gift) and gave it to a coworker of the lady. I said to the coworker that it would be great if she could give the lady at the desk this little butterfly as gift and tell her that I was sorry for “ponerme muy cabrona”. The girl smiled and said she would give it to her.   

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When I arrived in my hostel it was already dark outside. But I had still my plan to go for a swim! So I throw my stuff into it, put a bikini on and went straight to the street where the so-called colectivos departure to the big hotel resorts and beaches.

I got off the colectivo and asked some Mexicans where the next beach would be. They said it would be around the corner. So I walked around but could not find it... But there was a huge luxury hotel resort which looked more like a big shopping mall. Well, they would have for sure a beach... 

I walked to the huge entrance and greeted friendly the stuff. I realized that all guests had a orange paper bracelet wrapped around their wrist. Luckily my orange rubber bracelet looked almost like one of those... Just keep walking straight to the beach...

On my way I passed some cocktail bars and a huge swimming pool. A woman was singing in Spanish on a small stage accompanied by a piano player. It was already dark and there were some torches that gave the beach a romantic and calm atmosphere. Still nobody seemed to notice me...

I made it to the beach and before I did anything I just soaked in the beautiful atmosphere there: the moon with Her cold but protective light which gave a reflection on the waves. There were a big cloud far away and from time to time I could see thunderbolts crossing through it. I took a deep breath and just asked my heart like I did it with my hikers on my hike: How does it feel?

It felt right to be here. It felt I was welcome. Then I took my t-shirt and shorts off, dropped my small backpack in the sand and walked slowly into the warm and lovely sea... It was a beautiful moment to feel the soft sand under my feet and the warm and salty water on my skin and lips. Yes, it felt right to be here.

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In Cancun I visited the Isla Mujeres and talked to different people and explained that I would come back with a group of lovely girls soon. So the people were very excited and offered me there help. Like a Mexican guy I have met on the ferry to come to the island. He runs a golf caddy rental on the island or a woman from Argentina who has a little lovely cafe close to a bike rental. Yes, it feels nice and also easy going to be back. 

I also feel much better what I felt slightly in Barcelona: that I am much closer to myself and that I can be more me and move when I am having lots of space and just some outlines in which I can create.

Thank you very much for ready my story! Now I cannot wait to share all of this beautiful places and magical atmosphere with my group soon.