A way to deal with unfinished business

Are you dealing with so-called unfinished business like a broken relationship, friendship or anything like that? 


Maybe you cannot talk anymore with the person because he or she passed away or the issue is so big that talking is not an option?


The following method can help you to deal and complete with unfinished business. It will take a bit but it will help.

What is it about?

I got to know to it when I was in a Buddhism center in Ireland. You will find it also as mediation in Sogyal Rinpoche’s the book “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying”. 

I will describe in a few steps how I do it.


It will be a dialog with the person you have the unfinished business with. And maybe it will be in the beginning just a monologue.


That’s fine. You can repeat the method as much as you want to and need to.

•●•●•Lets get started●•●•

What do you need:

Pen and paper, a comfortable place, an open heart and the willingness to talk

Step 1: Make it comfortable for you

  • Find a place where you feel comfortable and make yourself comfortable. 
  • Sit quietly and look deep into your heart and feel your willingness to talk about your problem with the person you have the unfinished business with. 
  • Than look for your willingness to hear and listen to the other persons point of view.

Step 2: Imagine the other person willing to listen and hear to you

  • Imagine the other person is sitting in front of you and is looking like you remember.
  • There might come up different emotions to you right now.
  • Try to imagine that person now more open and willing to listen and hear than before.
  • Imagine the person can hear all what you say. 

Step 3: Think about the main problem and tell it

  • Now think about what was the main problem and difficulty for you.
  • Remember that the person in front of you is now much open and willing to listen.
  • Reflect if there are any other hidden problems.
  • Than imagine you would tell that to the other person.

 Step 4: Write down what you would like to tell without defending or attacking

  • Take now the pen and paper and write down what you would like to say to the other person like a dialog.
  • Write down and describe what your thoughts are about the problem, how you feel etc. but without defending anything or attacking the person.
  • Imagine the other person is very open and willing to listen, its heart is open for you and the person can hear you.

Step 5: Listen to the other person and write it down

  • Now listen to the other person and their view on the problem.
  • Write down what comes into your mind what the person would tell you.
  • Think about the person is open and willing to listen and talk.
  • Maybe their response is different as you expected since you talked to the open heart and you opened up as well.
  • Talk about and write down any other problems (hurts, expectations, attachment etc) you have with the other person.
  • Let the person response to those and write everything down like a dialog

Step 6: Continue writing an open and fair dialog until you feel just positive feelings in your heart

  • Continue writing down the dialog between you and the other person until you feel just positive feelings in your heart.
  • If the other person hurt you check if you are able to forgive and if you had hurt the other one ask for forgiveness and imagine the other person is willing to forgive even if the person didn’t want to in the past.
  • Say “I forgive you for not being like I want you to be. I give the best I can and you give the best you can.”
  • Open your heart and allow it to receive the love of forgiveness and positive feelings.
  • Everything is well and you are safe.

Step 7: Thanking each other for the conversation and letting go

  • Check yourself how you feel in comparison to the beginning of this dialog: are there positive feelings now, respect and love for the other person?
  • Write those feelings down as if you communicate it to the person.
  • After it let the other one communicate their positive feelings and thoughts about your conversation.
  • At the end of your conversation thank each other and say good-bye.
  • Imagine the person leaves and ask your heart: Can I really let go and do I wish the person well?

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